Put Me Back Together
by princeofthefallingangels
Summary: Spock dies and wakes up in our modern day of 2013. Everything he knew as the truth was a lie; a dream he made up while in a coma. He doesn't know what will become of himself now. When he dreams of the Enterprise, how will he know what is real, and what is all a dream.
1. Waking Moments are the Last

**Okay, so this is our first Star Trek fan fiction, and YES I already know I have really bad grammar and spelling. **

**FYI- I do not own any characters.**

**Please tell us what you think, and enjoy reading.**

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Spock held his breath in the freezing ice air as the Klingon held the weapon above his head. Then a beam of light hit the Klingon as he pierced his chest above his heart.

"No," He heard Captain James Kirk's voice ring out as the Klingon was stunned. Spock felt the blood start to seep onto his uniform, he tried to sit up and Jim pushed him back down, "Don't move, your hurt." Taking out his communicator calling up, "Kirk to Enterprise, beam up immediately with medical help to stand-by, Mr. Spock has been injured. Kirk out." He looked down at the Vulcan that lay with a stoic face. "You're going to be okay Spock." Kirk said but instead of helping the Vulcan, it was more to calm himself.

"Captain," Spock said with a strong voice as the emerald blood started to drip from his lip, as he looked up at the Captain with a hazy look in his eyes, "I believe that-". Then the feeling that was so familiar to them came back as they materialized back in the transporter room. Spock stopped talking as his eyes started to close as he tried to go into a healing trance, but it didn't work, his mind was rejecting it.

"Keep talking to me Spock." Jim said as the medical team was collecting Spock.

"My mind is shutting down." Spock looked at Jim with almost a tinge of fear behind his eyes, "I can't go into a healing trance, it is rejecting it." Bones rushed up and started to work immediately but stopping for a moment to look at Spock quickly for verification that the trance wasn't going threw.

"What does that mean?" James asked as Bones started to work again but even faster, now with his hands covered in jade colored blood, "Bones what does it mean, that_ trancey_ thing?"

"He won't be able to knock out and heal himself the Vulcan way, it isn't a good thing with all this blood he's loosing and the wound he has going threw his body right above his heart." Bones spoke and Spock was getting paler and paler. Bones and his crew moved Spock down to Med-Bay with Jim close in tow.

Pain pulsed threw Spock as they moved him, he was so cold and he could feel the sticky blood sticking to his uniform and could taste it masking the taste in his mouth. It hurt; a siring pain and all he wanted was relief from this.

"Jim you can't be here." Bones ordered and a few nurses saw him out.

The last thing Mr. Spock heard was Bones's voice calling out orders to people then the words, "Dammit Spock! Don't die on me!" Soon it all just drifted away, the pain, the noise, everything.

Jim waited for an hour then nurse Chapel and Bones came out. "Jim," Bones's voice was grave and sorrowful.

"How is he?" Jim asked anxiously and then saw McCoy's sad face, "What happened? What is it? What's wrong?"

Bones held his head high and looked at him, "We did everything, his body was shutting down for some reason and didn't co-operate with anything we did. I'm sorry Jim, Spock has been pronounced dead."

Jim looked onto Spock's body that lay so still, it scared him. Jim felt the skin on the corps; it was so cold. "You are," Jim stopped and said again with Bones behind him looking on, "You were, the greatest First Officer in the Star Fleet. A great friend, and you will be missed by many." Jim did the Vulcan salute to the body, "Live long and prosper. I have been and always shall be, _your _friend."

Spock gasped for air and his eyes opened to see the ceiling and voices, but it wasn't the ceiling he closed his eyes to and those weren't the voices he has ever heard before. Looking around, he felt different and everything was different; a place he has never been. Then a woman came up and looked down to him, "Hello Mr. Spock," She said down to him, "You have been a sleep for a long time."

He breathed out trying to ask with a raspy voice, "What happened?"

She handed him some water and then answered with a gentle voice, "You were in an accident and went into a coma for two years."

"Where is Doctor McCoy?" Spock asked with an out of breath voice. The woman looked at him with a worried face and wrote it down on her clip board.

"I'm sorry but no Doctor McCoy works here." She said, "I am your doctor. Doctor Amanda Leonar."

Spock didn't understand, "You said I was asleep for two years, what year is it?"

Doctor Leonar looked at him, then wrote down more, "It is year 2013." Spock felt his heart jump, what happened? How is this logical? Everything he saw was different, not new but looked like the things he saw in history books. "Where am I?"

"Newlington Hospital in San Francisco, California." She told him as she started to administer a needle into what looked to be a bag of a sort that was connected to his arm, "I am giving you a sedative to calm you down. Tell me about yourself."

Spock looked at her confused, "I am First Officer S'chn T'gai Spock of the USS Enterprise under the command of Captain James T. Kirk, my father Sarek, is the ambassador of Vulcan; my home planet. I am the only one of my kind, half Vulcan and half Human." Then as if a tug, Spock pulled his hand up to ears and felt for the point, then put his hand to his chest and looked at her again, "W-What is-" everything started to get heavy and lost.

"You are Benedict Peter Spock. Full human from earth-" That was all he heard until he fell into a deep sleep in slight panic of his current situation.

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**Okay so that was it. Hope you liked it. Not my greatest first start, so please tell us what you think should, would, could, might, and will happen. Please keep reading and tell us what you think. **

**-Nik**


	2. Dream Me Awake

**So this is the CHAPTER 2. Hope you enjoy reading.**

**NOTE:please remember we are NEW at Star Trek fan fiction and I have bad grammar **

**PS. we don't own the characters**

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_The service was held in the viewing hall under the stars that they ventured to but now it was for the last trek all together. Jim stood over the cold capsule that held Spock's body as he looked down from the podium were he was expected to speak to his crew about the one person that he never expected or wanted to say these words for, "Today we loose a good man and a great friend. This is the day we honor you. We take our last trek in these galaxies with you. Today we the crew of the USS Enterprise, salute you First Officer Spock. Live long and prosper."_

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Spock gasped for breath as his eyes opened to see a familiar face sitting across from him. Everything looked hazy with sleep in his eye as he scanned the room for any changes. "Jim," Spock's words slip out of his lips.

He came closer and looked at Spock with a smile on his face, "Good to have you back Benny." Jim's voice was soft as he spoke.

With a slight raise of his eyebrow Spock studied Jim's gentle face, "My name isn't Benny, Captain."

He shook his head and said "Captain? At least you got my name right." Jim said under his breath, "They told me you were having delusions but I guess it was to be expected. Give it ti-"

"It is not a delusion Jim." Spock cut him off, "You are Captain James T. Kirk, born on March 22, 2233 in Riverside, Iowa."

Jim nodded his head in acceptance of Spock's belief but just looked at him with a sad smile, "I guess that storm really hit you hard."

Spock didn't know what was to be expected so but his curiosity touched at his mind and he asked, "Tell me what happened." his voice was hard as stone as he studied his fingers and the room around him. To him it was as if the history text books came to life around him, with the monitors beeping and everything so _old_ looking.

Jim took a long breath and pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. "It was some time in September of 2011. You, me, Hikaru, Nyota, Leo and Paul; oh-uh we all live together; they're your friends. There was an fire and our loft was destroyed. When it came down, everyone got out but you were stuck and when they finally got to you-" Jim held up his hands, "There was nothing they could do. You where in a coma and they told us that you might never wake up. Since then we moved into a new loft and only I ever came to see you, they were always busy but in all truth to me, was they didn't have the heart to accept that maybe you wouldn't wake up. But look at you now."

Spock looked at him with a raised brow, "Tell me about myself."

With a cocky grin taking over Jim's face, "Your name is Benedict Peter Spock. You have lived here all your life. We have known each other for about ten years. We went to college together. You are a great writer and have one huge dog and a cat. Your parents are filthy rich. Your girlfriend has run away with a mystery man. You like to watch the stars, drink in the park, and go to film festivals. Anything else you want to know?"

Spock tried to take in these stories, "Fascinating."

Jim smiled, "They said if you pulled out of your delusions, possibly within the week they will let you out of this place."

"I assure you it is not a delusion." Spock spoke with his stoic voice.

Jim huffed his breath and put his head in his hands, "It was all a dream Benny." His voice was almost begging.

"Vulcans do not dream." Spock spoke to him.

"You are not a Vulcan, you are one hundred percent human." Jim's voice called out pleadingly to Spock, "When you where sleeping just now, tell me, tell me what did you dream about?"

Spock bit his tongue because he indeed dreamt but wanted to refuse it, but Vulcans do not lie. "It was my funeral. You-" He paused, "The Captain and the whole crew were present in the viewing hall."

Jim nodded with his eyebrows raised, "So how did you wake up here?"

"The Captain and I were on a mission," Spock said, "when we finished and were about to be beamed up a Klingon attacked me while I didn't have my fazer. My body refused to react accordingly and I dyed, then I woke up here."

"I'm sorry," Jim apologized, "But it was only a bad dream." Spock tried to think of some logical way that solved all of it, but couldn't think of anything.

"I assume," Spock looked away, "it is only logical." Trying to accept this but found it hard.

"Great, we will keep talking later." Jim stood up knowing it was hard for Spock even though he wasn't showing it, "I will come back later and we will see how soon you can get out of here." He started to walk to the door and looked back with a pitiful smile, "See you later Benny."

It was quiet once he left and Spock kept trying to think of anything that was a more logical explanation, but failed to find one.

Soon the week passed on, and he was just pronounced to have amnesia and slight delusions. He was given a medication that should take away those delusion but every time he fell asleep, he dreamt as if he never died, back on the Enterprise but always woke up in the year 2013.

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**Well we hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading. Please tell us what you think should, would, could, might, and will happen or just tell us what you think. Thank you.**

**-Nik**


	3. Welcome Home

**Hope you all enjoy reading.**

**We still don't own them...**

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"Are you ready Mr. Spock?" Dr. Leonar asked as Spock stood looking into a mirror across from him studying his human structure in the clothing that looked so old in his eyes. The blue faded jeans, plain grey shirt, a long black coat, and what seemed to be boots. Even his hair was longer and sat on his ears, it was so odd for him.

He looked at her with his normal blank expression, "Yes, Doctor."

She opened the door and came in was Jim with a smile on his face, "Well don't you look adorable." Jim's voice was masked in sarcasm, "So Mrs. Doctor," He smiled up at Dr. Leonar, "So tell me the details Doc."

She gave a sigh and handed him a piece of paper and bottle of pills, "Take two a day or if you start to have really bad delusions. Talk to the people you used to, and doing things as you used to normally do them to try and get that memory back in the right place. No driving, or drinking. Take it easy for a while. There are appointments with a therapist every Tuesday for at least a month. Any questions?"

Jim looked at her with a half blank look as if she was some sort of idiot, "How about any fun?" He sounded very unimpressed.

She pressed her lips together and Spock finally spoke up, "That shall be fine Doctor." Spock took a step looking Jim up and down with his eyes then looking back at Dr. Leonar, "Thank you for you assistance."

Walking out of the door and down the halls in silence as Jim led them out to the street with his car there. It was a 67 Chevy Impala that was old and beaten up. With a raise brow Spock got in and sat down in the passenger seat. Driving down one of the roads back to the loft in silence. Jim started to get antsy as the silence seemed to grow, "So," Jim said, "you okay, your really quiet, which isn't like you. Like I understand the just woke up from the coma thing but, you just seem so serious now. Like nothing seems to get threw to you; no happy, no sad, no surprised, nothing. What did those dreams do to you?"

Spock looked at him with a slightly questioned face then remembered, it was all a dream. "I was half Vulcan raised on the planet Vulcan." Spock's voice was softer but still solid as stone, "I was raised to be stoic. Masking my emotions because mental power was found to be in no use of them. It slows everything down."

"Half Vulcan?" Jim asked.

Spock looked down remembering his mother, or the woman he thought was his mother and how he wished she was alive, or at least in his mind, "My mother was a human."

Jim nodded, "I guess you won't be so up tight, after a few days or drinks."

They rolled up to a huge grey building that was on the edge of the city and loomed next to a park, "Welcome home Benny."

The loft looked so run down. Instead of a couch they had a mattress sitting in front of a television. The ceiling was high but on either side was stairs that lead to four platforms with a bed and a desk on it. And each had a crossing metal bridge to the other side. In front of a few parts of window was the couch at looked over Golden Gate Park. Posters were hung, splattered paint was on the walls and lights hung around in different shapes and sizes. A huge German Shepherd with blue eyes was on the floor next to a fluffy white cat.

"Ben," Nyota and Pavel got up from a mattress that was just lying on the floor in front of a TV to greet their old friend.

"Lieutenant Uhura. Mr. Chekov." Spock said and they then had a confused look as they went up to Spock and looked at Jim.

"Wow," Pavel said in an American accent, "I guess Jim wasn't lying about the whole space ship thing."

Nyota hugged Spock and said, "Crazy or not, it's good to have you back." She stepped back and looked at him, "You can call me by my first name you know, Nyota." She smiled.

Pavel added in after her, "Me too, remember, Paul." Spock rose an eyebrow.

As the day went on, Spock was reacquainted with all of the faces he would see in his dreams; Doctor McCoy and Mr. Sulu.

By the time of ten thirty, Jim led Spock to the couch, "Here," He handed him a blanket, "Sorry we didn't have a place for you but, you know we didn't know if-" He cut himself off and then was interrupted by Leonard holding a box. He smiled at them and set the box on the bay window. "Here, this is all the stuff that was yours that we could get out of the fire, thought it would help, with the memory and all." Spock picked threw the dusty and still black with soot pile of things. A picture frame with a picture of him, Jim, and Leonard, a book that said _Lost in All_, and just random pieces of what struck him as junk. "Thank you for your assistance Doc-" He reminded himself again, "Leonard."

Spock sat on his couch looking out at the park and then up at the stars, still questioning what is real, and then taking his pill, trying to think of any logical reasons, and yet still failing.

When he woke to the morning light hitting his face and his dog licking his face, the loft was silent. Getting up to look around, it seemed that everyone else was gone except for Leonard who looked down from his desk from above with the cat on it, "Good morning," He called down as he started to walk down to him, "You know, you now talk in your sleep. It's quite amusing. Klingons? Captain? Who's Mr. Scott? What did you dream of, Battle Star Galactic? Star Wars or some weird Sy-fy?" Leonard laughed and handed him a cup of coffee.

Spock just looked at him blankly unamused, "It is," he stopped for a moment picking up the bottle of pills and taking one with the coffee, "only an illusion."

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**We hope you liked it. Please tell us what you think should, would, could, might, and will happen, or just tell us what you think. Thanks for reading!**

**-Nik**


	4. Fathers Best Wishes

The days passed on and nothing seemed to have changed. Spock still found it hard to believe that it was his new reality, especially when every time he closed his eyes he saw the crew and the Enterprise. Also if he was ever talking to anyone who wasn't Jim or Leonard, they seemed to inch away from him and would encourage him to take a pill. Only Jim would listen and every so often Leonard would be willing to hear about this whole other universe. It was strange; everything felt strange, everything seemed strange and ancient, and it was odd. It was upon meeting his "parents" did he found only how _different_ 'Benedict Peter Spock' really was.

His parents looked nothing like his _other_ mother and father. His 'mother' seemed to be in a daze at all times and skittish. His 'father' seemed to have a look of judgment beholding his gaze as he looked at Spock with Leonard and Jim standing next to him.

"How wonderful it is to see you Benedict." His mother said giving him a hug as he tensed at the touch.

His father put a hand out to shake but was given in return was a raised brow. "You shake it." Jim nudged Spock's arm, receiving a slightly annoyed look from Spock out of the corner of his eyes.

Spock's father pulled away, "So I take it your still a nut case then," his voice was masked in disgust as he looked Spock up and down, "Nothing's changed. Still a drunk I presume too."

Spock's responded slightly shocked, "I have not consumed any alcohol."

"Leave him be-" his mother retorted.

"You go into a coma because you were too drunk or doped up and got stuck." His father's voice was sharp. "Wake up and it is known all over that 'Rich _Fucking Screw Up_ Benedict Peter Spock think's he's a Martian'"

"He's been clean for years." Leonard tried to argue nudging Jim to get him to help.

Jim saw the mild confusion in Spock's eyes, "He was in a coma for two years and just woke up. " Jim gave his father a cold stare, "Your son, and the only thing you can say is he's a screw up? He can't even remember who the hell he was before all of this. Let alone you. He didn't do drugs for the past five years and he's not a fucking nut case. He's better now. Maybe if you just gave him a chance."

"I do wish to know what you found my insanity in?" Spock asked in his stoic tone, "As Jim put it, I do not remember."

His mother put her hands to her face lightly and said, "I will go get everyone some ice tea." She then nodded slightly to herself and walked off into the kitchen.

His father's jaw tightened, "You would go to tops of buildings and just about jump off them, saying the voices told you. Or go missing for about a week then come back and have some ridiculous story like this one. Or you saw people who were not there. Every time we tried to get you help, you would just disappear again or refuse it."

"He's not like that now." Leonard answered quickly, "Doesn't drink, is a vegetarian, and stoic to a point. He's different. Look just cut him a break, he's only human." Those words hit Spock and a rush of his _other _life came back to him, and he tried to blink them away and shake his head slightly. Then finding the room lost in a silence again.

"You okay buddy?" Jim touched his arm.

With a roll of his eyes his father spat, "See, nothing changed." Then his mother comes back and holding a trey of glasses and sets them on the table. Leonard pulled a bottle of pills out of his pocket and handed Spock one then the glass of ice tea.

While he took the pill his father said again, "Nothing changed."

"Shut up, we're leaving. Call when that stick gets pulled out of your ass." Leonard said turning headed for the door and putting a hand on Spock's shoulder.

Spock looked at Jim and just remembered the flashes of Captain James T. Kirk, "I am fine Captain." Spock's voice was softer as they left.

Leading them out Jim said to him, "Yeah your fine buddy, your fine."

Once in the car, Jim pulled out his phone and looked at it and sighed, "Shit."

"Now what genius?" Leonard asked from the back seat, annoyance in his voice because it was Jim's idea to go see the parents forgetting how big a psychotic moron his father was, "We already broke him. What next hand him over to his ex or a shark?" Sarcasm floating around.

"I am fine." Spock spoke, "Do not speak of me as such a toy for which I am not."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Like hell your not." He said, "So what's the next bright idea?"

Starting the car Jim said, "I forgot it's Tuesday."

"Dimmit man, what's that mean?" Leonard asked.

"Therapy, in about," Looking at the clock Jim said, "twenty minutes."

"Think we're gonna make it?" Leonard asked.

Jim ticked his head to the side and gave a mischievous grin, "Let me put my talents to work Leo. Hold on."

With that the car started to speed away down the roads that when up and down and then back up, weaving in and out of traffic, racing to get back to the hospital for this appointment.


	5. A Haunting Nightmare

Screeching to a halt in front of the hospital, "Get him in there." Jim waved his hand as Spock climbed out and Leonard hopped out behind him. "I'll meet you guys in there once I park." Once the doors closed Jim sped off to find some parking.

Leonard walked with Spock into the doors looking at the clock; they were ten minutes late. Walking up to the desk Leonard smiled kindly at the woman behind the counter, "Hi Miss, my friend has an appointment. His name's Benedict Peter Spock."

The woman blushed and looked down at her computer and pressed her lips together, "Your friend is ten minutes late."

"Please Miss," Leonard asked.

She smiled up again and said, "Lucky your both cute." She called onto her phone and then looked up at Spock, "Good news, he's ready for you sweet heart. You guys can sit down over there a just wait one moment he will be out. You are with Doctor Will Shephards."

Spock nodded his head and went to sit down with Leonard. It was when the door opened did his defenses seem to fall and he saw a familiar face he wished to never see again. His breath slipped out of his lips and fell flat, "Khan," the tall man with his black hair neatly combed, standing with a tie round his neck and a clip board in his hands he looked up and said, "Mr. Spock come with me please."

At this Spock seemed to let all of his shields and defenses down and found a hidden rage that was still pounding in his chest to rip the man to shreds. His jaw clenched and he launched himself from the chair to landing on top of the man who looked like Khan, pinning him to the ground practically snarling with hidden fury. Just as he did the whole waiting room went into a frenzy. People were shocked and frightened by what was going on now. The nurse from behind the desk called security. It wasn't more then a second when a skinny little security guard came rushing in, trying to pull Spock off of Khan. Spock just hit them away easily as he stood up lifting Khan up and hitting him against the wall. Leonard was too shocked, but soon got over it. He quickly jumped up and went over to Spock, grabbing his shoulder and started to pry him off, "Let him go Spock." Leonard said knowing if he called him by his last name, because that is how he was referred to in his _dreams_ it just might get threw to him, "Spock it's not who you think it is. It's me; listen to me. Let him go." With that Spock seemed to let his rage be hidden once more as he closed his eyes and shook his head, remembering this was his _new reality. _He released Khan just as more security showed up. He looked at the frightened man who was now on the ground gasping for air. "I do apologize." Spock's voice was small as he saw the other people in the room look at him with confusion and fear. The other security came up to grab Spock but Leonard looked at them and said, "He didn't know. He's fine go away, let me take care of it." Security just looked at him and took a step back as Spock sat back down in the chair looking at his feet, embarrassed and ashamed. Leonard walked up to the nurse at the desk and asked, "You got any water?" She nodded and handed him a metal bottle. He nodded in thanks. Going back to Spock he handed him the water bottle and sat down next to him, taking out the bottle of pills for the second time that day. Taking out one pill and handing it to him, "Here, it's okay Spock. You didn't know." Spock quietly took the pill.

Khan got up and looked to security and said in his baritone voice, "It's alright, no one's hurt, you can go now. He's fine." Security took one last look at Spock and Leonard then nodded. "I will get you another doctor, who I know will be better then I am. Do not worry Mr. Spock, we are here to help no matter what." Then Khan disappeared behind the doors once more to fetch someone else.

Leonard watched Spock as he hung his head quietly, hiding his eyes with his hair, "So who was he?" Leonard asked already knowing it must have been someone from all of those _dreams. _

Spock's voice was low and soft, "Khan, in my dream, he was one of the reasons Jim died. Killed so many people trying to save his crew who were cryogenically frozen three hundred years before our time. He was the only one woken up. He was a super human of a kind that had regenerating properties and strength vast beyond a average human being. He and I fought, I was going to kill him until Nyota stopped me. He was the reason why Jim lived."

Leonard nodded trying to comprehend what he just said. "Sounds like he was an ass hole then."

"In a context yes," Spoke replied, "but as he asked _is there anything you would not do for your family_, he was only trying to help them but at the cost of many in the end. In a way it is just a test of morals."

Leonard nodded his head again just as the doors opened again and another doctor came up to Spock with a clip board in hand, "Hello Mr. Spock, I am your new therapist, Doctor Oliver Kynestin. Please come with me." Looking up at this man; he was someone new. To Spock's thanks he was slightly relieved to see someone new who wasn't psychotic like his parents, and someone he didn't already know the face of to give him memories of times that never happened.

Looking at Leonard a last time as he gave him a tiered small smile then walking down the hall to his office.

Sitting facing the Dr. Kynestin he waited in the silence then, "So tell me who are you? Not here I mean, tell me who Mr. Spock is."

Spock rose an eye brow and then proceeded to tell him everything he _dreamt_ of. To Doctor Kynestin, this was a parade in the park for him. Every thing Spock spoke about he would ask, never talking about who Benedict Peter Spock was, not even questioning one bit. After about three hours passed Doctor Kynestin led Spock back to the waiting room, were Leonard and Jim were waiting. They almost looked relieved to see him walk out of the doors to them. It was when Doctor Kynestin asked to speak to Leonard and Jim, that their relief seemed wasted. They looked confused as they walked threw the doors and back to his office while Spock sat in the waiting room quietly as the nurse watched him closely and security close at hand.

"How did you get him to get off?" Dr. Kynestin asked first.

Leonard shrugged, "He responds to us then other people cause I guess we were people of a standing point in his mind when he, you know _dreamed_ and if we call in by his name he established in his _dreams._ We know it probably isn't helping this cause, but-"

"No that's amazing." He cut him off before he could say anything more, "Your friend created a world in his mind were everyone he has ever seen or met was there playing a part. How he applies it to this day and time and people is just interesting beyond my belief. I have talked to other coma patients but none of them were like Benedict."

Jim looked worrisome at him, "So your not gonna emit him to a psych ward or nothing, right?"

"Yeah he' s usually harmless and wouldn't hurt anything." Leonard added.

The doctor pressed his lips together, "Once he is off of his medications and therapy is over, we might be looking at some time if no improvements don't show up or if he does become violent. But he should be fine."


	6. Long Nights

Walking out of the hospital and around the busy block to get to the car it was now later practically seven at night. Spock climbed into the back and Leonard in the passenger seat because Jim doesn't like it when other people drive his car. "Let's go home," Jim breathed out and started the car, "I hate hospitals." The car drive home was quiet as they sat in traffic. Spock seemed to fall into a meditative sleep as the car moved.

Jim looked back and saw how he just sat and slept then whispering to Leonard, "Great he's asleep, Leo what do we do if that doctor is wrong. What if he just, you know, looses it or he doesn't remember, then what?"

Leonard thought for a moment then replied, "He's our friend Jim, he has been and he will be then. If we can help him then it would be best to get him help."

Jim shook his head, "No," he said, "other then that. What if he hurts people? You told me yourself, he leaped out of his chair like a cat and practically strangled some guy like it was nothing; without a second thought."

"We'll just have to see and find out." Leonard said quietly, "Only god knows what other things he has dreamed up in that messed up head of his, and who it is cause from what we know, he never met that doctor he attacked. He'll be fine but we have to wait and find out."

The rest of the car ride was quiet as Spock slept in the back seat dreaming he was back on his ship.

* * *

By the time they made it back to the loft, it was eight thirty at night. Leonard was car sick because of the bad driving and was surprised that Spock was even still asleep. Pulling up to the building and parking, just as the car stopped Jim looked at the cars around and said with wide eyes, "Shit."

Leonard looked up and questioned, "What now?" Then seeing what Jim saw he looked at Jim with his jaw open, "It's back."

"Great now we can't get him inside without her seeing." Jim put his hand to his head, "The last thing we need is his sex crazed psychotically clingy ex, coming back and setting off more bombs."

"We can't wait her out cause by the looks of it," Leonard gestured up, "Looks like Ny kicked her out and is waiting for us to show up and let her back in. Mine as well, wake him up so we can get this over with. Maybe she will leave us alone if we just keep walking."

Jim turned in his seat and looked at the sleeping figure that was propped against the window, turning and twitching, mumbling in his sleep to figures of in his dreams. He hated to wake him up, figuring that is was probably one of the worst days so far and knowing how much he wanted to stay in his dreams. "Hey Benny," Jim reached his hand out to Spock's shoulder shaking him slightly, "Come on buddy wake up. Hey Spock wake up." Spock took a small gasp for air as his eyes opened and saw the car around him. "Sorry to wake you Sleeping Beauty, let's go." Getting out of the car then walking towards the entrance Spock saw the girl seem to perk up once she saw them.

Standing at the entrance to the building stood the girl with long legs and leather boot heals that looked at least five inches and that stopped at her knees. Short denim shorts. A crop top that also showed off her shoulders too. She stood with a slight smile on her face that was painted delicately with make up. Her hair was short, blond, and curled up. As they got closer they tried to ignore her but Spock was curious why this girl was standing outside of their building staring him down like a lion ready for the kill. Just as they got to the door she grabbed Spock by the lapels of his coat and pushing him up against the wall, "Hello baby," She said pressing her lips to his for a long hard kiss then pulling away, "I'm back."

Spock's eyes looked at her confused as she was pried off of him by Jim, "Get off him Kat."

"Doctor Carol Marcas," Spock looked at the woman as she gave him a seductive smile.

"Come on Jimmy, he wants to play doctor." She looked up at him.

Jim let his jaw set and rolled his eyes, "Look Kat, it's been a long day and we just wanna go up stairs."

She smiled, "Great I'll go with you. It's been a long time since I've_ seen_ Benny." Licking her lips.

Leonard shook his head, "No, Kat get lost. He just woke up a few days ago. Where's your boy friend Sal or something? Go with him." Starting to push Spock threw the door when she just ran in front of them and blocked the entryway.

"Look Benny," her voice started to sound as if she was pleading, "I left him for you. I promise I would always come back to you."

"Kat, move it." Leonard said trying to get her attention, "It's over between you two."

Carol's eyes seemed begging as they tried to push past her, "Please," her voice was serious now, "I left him and I have no where else to go. Nyoba or what ever her name is kicked me out when I went up, she threatened to set your dog on me. Please, you can't just leave me out here."

Spock looked at her with a raised brow and nodded before Jim or Leonard could refuse, "You are welcome to stay for one night." His voice was clear and stoic.

Carol gave a smile and rushed up to hug him tightly, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, you will not regret it, I promise."

Leonard noticed Spock flinching at the sudden touch and him tensing up, he put his hands between the two figures then separating them, "_One _night Kat, then your out" Leonard led the way to the elevator with Kat who clung onto Spock's arm and Jim at his other side whispering to Spock, "You sure you want her here?"

"Affirmative," Spock spoke, "I could not deny her if she has spoken the truth about not having a place of refuge for one night."

"I can hear you Jim," Carol's voice said angrily, "At least one of you has a heart."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Shut up Kat, your just lucky he can't remember who you are."

* * *

Entering the loft Nyota was the first person they saw sitting on the mattress in front of the TV holding a box of Chinese food sitting with the dog. She stood up once she saw Carol snapping her fingers and the dog stood up and growled, "_Pussy_," Nyota said, "I thought I told you to get out."

Looking disgusted at Nyota and the dog, she tightened her grip on Spock's arm, "My name is Kat, not _pussy._ And my boyfriend-"

"Ex-boyfriend." Jim corrected.

"My _Ex- Boy-toy_, said I could have one night here." Carol put her nose up.

Nyota bit her tongue and looked at Spock, "Really?" her voice was annoyed.

Before he could answer Leonard answered for him walking up to the dog and patting him on the head making him stop growling, "Yeah he did."

"Fine." Nyota shook her head and sat back down with the dog and now Leonard was eating her food.

Jim walked into the kitchen and found Hakaru and Pavel having some beer as they asked him how the day went and then he grabbed himself one.

* * *

Spock went over and sat on his couch looking out the window now the sky was dark, looking for stars. Carol sat next to him playing with his hair, "Please do not touch me Miss. Kat. It is quite uncomfortable for me." He pulled away from her.

She seemed to pout then asked, "Rumor had it you went crazy with your dreams or something. So is it true, what Leo said. You can't remember who I am." She started to take off one of her heels.

"I remember a figure who looked like you from my dreams but I must apologize, I do not remember who you are." Spock said flatly.

Taking off her other heel she tossed them by the window, "Well let me tell you," she said, "I was the best girl friend you ever had. We did everything together, and I mean _ev-ery-_thing," she winked, "You were the best boy friend ever. Your friends weren't happy with me, and it looks like they still aren't, but you were the best still yet. When you went into a coma I thought you were gonna die. Sorry, so I went away with some guy I met at one of the bars we used to go to. His name is Scott. I think you met him once, he was one of the bar tenders. Scottish little accent, he's cute but huge attitude. Told him he wouldn't be as good as you and I left." She gave him a smile as Spock started to have memories come back to him once again, just like light flashes. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head slightly, getting up and leaving Carol confused on the couch. Walking over to Leonard drinking Nyota's beer and on the mattress playing with the dog. "Leonard," Spock sat down on the matt, "Might I have two more of those pills?"

Leonard stopped what he was doing and reached into his pocket and got the bottle out, "I'll give you one more, the maximum usage is four in a day." He handed him one pill then unconsciously handing him the beer in his hand. By the time it hit Leonard that he handed Spock the beer it was too late, he drank the whole thing. "Shit." Slipped out of his lips.

"Leonard," Spock's voice had inquiry and confusion in it slightly, "I do believe I just-" his stomach lurched creating nausea.

"Shit." Leonard got up quickly pulling Spock up and then pushing him to the backroom. Just as they got into the small bathroom Spock seemed to go light headed and then passed out tumbling forward, just far enough to hit his head on the toilet knocking himself out just as the puke and bile left his lips.

Upon hearing a crash all the others stood up and went to see what was happening, "What did you do to him?" Hikaru asked feeling his stomach knot as he looked on at the body that now lay unconscious with green, grey, and orangey puke and what ever Spock had in his system on himself.

"He's gonna hurt in the morning." Pavel said as Jim got in and helped Leonard set him in the bathtub so they could clean him off.

"I gave him like three quarters of a beer after giving him a pill. Passed out right as we got to the bathroom and hit his head on the toilet knocking out cold just as the same moment he puked on himself." Leonard said letting Spock's leg in the bathtub.

"Nice job genius." Carol said from the back of the crowed.

Nyota rolled her eyes, "Here, I'll help you clean him up Leonard."

* * *

After about two hours in the bathroom trying to clean Spock up, Leonard and Nyota were soaked and tiered. They put him into one of Leonard's sweatshirts and basketball shorts. They were about to put him out of his couch when they found Kat asleep on it. "He can sleep on my bed." Nyota said, "It's probably better if someone keeps and eye on him anyway. Besides, my bed is the biggest bed in the loft." Leonard agreed and put him on the bed in front of the TV fixing the pillows so he might be most comfortable. Pavel brought over some ice packs knowing that it will leave a bump on his head that will hurt if it doesn't already.

"You can go to my bed if you want Ny," Leonard offered looking down at Spock as the dog curled up at his feet and the cat at his hand, "I'll watch him."

She gave him a small smile, "No it's fine, besides you had to do it all day. I got this. And if Kat wakes up and tries anything weird, it gives me a reason to hit her." Nyota sat down on the bed scratching the cat's ear.

"Thanks." Leonard laughed and went up to his bed and fell asleep once he hit the pillow. It wasn't too long after that everyone else was asleep too except Nyota who sat just slightly longer watching Spock breath and listened to Spock's mumbles as his eyes tracked back and forth under his eye lids. How she wondered what went on in his mind and those dreams.


	7. Wake Up Call

There was a constant pounding in Spock's head that pulsated threw causing pain and a cold sensation was on the front where the pain seemed to be coming from, but that wasn't what woke him from his dreams. Yelling voices seemed to seep threw to his sleep hazed mind. Opening his eyes slightly then being blinded by light, that wasn't helping the throbbing going threw his head. Spock tilted his head to the side accidentally moving too fast to see where the sound was coming from and his dog close at hand. "Hey," Nyota's voice spoke softly to only him, "It's okay they will go away soon, then you can go back to sleep. How do you feel?"

Breathing out as he didn't pay her any attention, trying to focus at the commotion at the door, "I feel fine." His voice was small.

"You're lying to me Benny." Nyota whispered.

"Vulcans do not lie." Slipped out of his lips. Nyota just shook her head and looked at him with a small smile.

"Just relax, don't pay them attention." She said then he tuned her out so he could watch what was happening.

Jim stood at the door with Pavel standing next to him with Kat close behind them. In the door frame outside was a man with short red hair and he was yelling and mad, "You left me Kat!" his voice was masked in a Scottish accent, "For what?! This twat?" He pointed at Jim.

"Scotty go away!" Carol yelled from the back, "Leave us alone!"

Pavel said to man, "Look, she just needed a place to stay for the night no harm."

"Slimy little slut," the man said, "you sleep with him too?!"

"She didn't sleep with anyone here," Jim spat at him, "Look we don't want trouble with you _Scotty-_"

Scotty hissed back at him, "I'm not talking to you! Kat, come on! Let's go!"

"I'm not going with you Scotty!" Carol said back, "We are over! I'm with Benny now, go away!"

"No," Jim corrected, "your not with-"

"I'm staying here with him," Kat yelled back ignoring Jim's protest, "we are over."

Jim turn to look at her with an annoyed face, "Shut up Kat, he said one night and your not helping." Turning back just in time to have Scott's fist meet his face. Staggering sideways into Pavel, opening enough space for Scotty to push threw. He looked at Kat with a disgusted face, "Where is he," Scott's voice yelled at her as Kat seemed to back away, "Slimy bitch," He slapped her then looking at Nyota who sat on the bed with Spock laid out with his dog growling by his head, trying his best to protect his owner. "Is that him?!" Scott's voice rose seeing Spock, "Hello Benny, prepare to die." He started to take angered steps toward the bed.

Nyota stood up and got in Scott's way, "Leave him alone! He's already sick and hurt! He didn't do anything! She came to us!"

"I don't care." Scotty's spat, "He took what was mine." Quickly with a swing of his arm he pushed her out of the way and into a wall. The dog started snarling and barking.

Spock knew what was coming and tried to move down to the other side of the bed as fast as he could, ignoring the pulsating stabs that ran threw his head. Scott stepped onto the bed and then stood over Spock, gazing down with repulsion. Spock looked up at him blankly seeing the face he saw so many times from those _dreams_.

"Mr. Scott," Spock said quietly to himself, not wanting to believe that, this was the same man. Scotty reached down and grabbed him by the sweatshirt and pulled him up into a sitting position.

"You stole my girl friend." Raising a fist Scotty said, "Prepare to die." When his fist hit Spock was when his dog pounced. Hitting Scott over, rolling to the side with a blood curdling roar as the dog bit into his arm then backing away to snarl again.

Jim quickly recovered after hearing the cry come from Scott, moving quickly over to Scotty and standing over him. "Get out _Scotty_." Jim pulled him up by his shirt and dragging him to the door, seeing the now bloodied bite mark on the arm. Dropping him outside the doorframe, "We tried to talk about this. Now I think you would understand that Kat doesn't want you back and that you are not welcome here. Get the hell out." Jim slammed the door before Scotty could say or do anything.

Pavel went over to check on Nyota who brushed him off and went back to check on Spock who now lay in the bed motionless. Jim went over to the bed and put his hand on the dog's head, "Good boy Bones." He pet the dog, and then moved him over slightly to get to Spock.

"Benny," Nyota sat next to him looking at him as he seemed to be lost in a daze with blood running down his nose, "Looks like he just gave him a bloody nose." She said to Jim without looking at him, "Come on Benny answer me." Pavel ran back over with a towel and handed it to her. Nyota tried to clean up the blood trying to get his attention but failing.

Jim looked down and said, "Spock, answer me." Jim's voice was stern but soft, "It's Captain Kirk, I need you to answer me." That seemed to break his daze and Spock's eye's shifted to look at Jim, "Yes, Captain."

"Thank you," Jim seemed to be holding his breath slightly and was relieved that he responded, "You okay?"

Looking to Nyota with his slightly confused eyes, "I seem to be-" His voice stopped when he saw the red blood on the blood, "bleeding."

"You keep scaring us Benny," Nyota said with a thankful smile, "It's just blood, nothing to worry about. Ass hole punched you in the face but just gave you a bloody nose."

Spock looked back at Jim, "It's red."

Jim felt his heart sink at how hopeless he looked beaten and bloody with a confusion hidden in his face. He hated to see him like this. "Yeah buddy it's red, don't worry."

"Might I have more medication Jim, I seem to be experiencing a delusion." Spock asked trying to pull himself up the bed to sit up and away from Nyota's hand.

Jim stood up and went to the kitchen and found the bottle where Leonard left it last night. He grabbed a glass of water and walked back over.

Kat was now sitting at his feet and Pavel was petting the dog, Bones.

"Benny I'm so sorry Scotty is usual-" Kat tried to say.

"Just shut up Kat." Pavel rolled his eyes, "Bonesy doesn't play nice with kitty _Kat's_ other then Tribble over there." Kat shot him a disgusted look. Pavel just raised his eyebrows and stuck his tongue out at her teasingly.

* * *

Spock sat up still trying to ignore the constant pounding in his head, "Thank you for your assistance." Then taking the pill and water from Jim.

"Hey I'm gonna talk to Ben so if you guys could just-" Jim said trying to get them to leave, quickly Pavel and Nyota got the idea and kind of wandered into the kitchen while Kat was still sitting at the end of the bed.

"Dumb shit, come on." Nyota walked back in and Kat quickly got up and ran back to the couch.

Jim gave a chuckle at watching Kat run away from Nyota. Then looking at Spock who sat emotionless holding the towel blotched with crimson patches on it and his dog Bones was now sitting closer hoping to get pet. "What did you see?" Jim asked quietly.

"Blood and an old friend." Spock murmured.

Raising an eyebrow Jim gave a slight smile, "You mean _Scotty _or what ever his name is, was your friend?" Jim questioned.

"And yours." Spock said,

Jim nodded, "I guess that this wasn't what you expected of him here. I'm sorry."

"There is no need for apology." Spock answered.

"What about the blood? I assume you've seen it before." Jim said,

"My blood is green." His voice was quiet.

Jim looked at the blotchy cloth, "You're human Spock."

"I do not know what to believe anymore. I find every time I close my eyes, I am not fully human. I am not Benedict; I am Spock. The people I thought were friends are friends and foes are foes. I even had a companion. Yet when I wake I find I am human. I am then no longer Spock but Benedict. I do not know anymore who is a friend or foe. She never looks at me the same way here. I am conflicted between what is reality and what is a dream now. Yet it is only logical that I am human because Vulcans do not dream and still I wish to go back and say it this is all an illusion. I do not wish to be both Benedict _and_ Spock anymore. I do not think I will survive being both." His words were quiet.

At first Jim didn't know what to tell his friend, "I'm sorry Benny but this is your reality. I know you want to go back, but this is what is real. It's confusing and hard but you have us. You don't have to be both. Give it time. It's going to be okay soon." Jim tried to comfort in any way he could be he didn't know how. Spock wanted to go back to the Enterprise but now every ounce of logic told him that it was all a dream and that there is nothing that could bring him back to it. Every time he would dream of it, things just seemed to fall apart all over again.

* * *

Later that night when everyone was asleep Spock was still sitting in Nyota's bed because Kat stayed yet again even after they tried to talk Spock into making her leave, he gave her one more night. He sat awake in the bed with Bones at his side guarding. Not wishing to sleep and be teased with the life he wanted back, he slowly moved out of the bed, not waking up Nyota. Standing made the pounding that had lessen seemed to grow again. Swaying on his feet slightly he made his way to the front door, he wanted to go out and see the stars because that was the only thing that never changed to him in either world. Opening the front door, Bones opened his eyes and looked up. Spock quietly slipped out the door and closed it again and Bones went back to his sleep.

Walking out to the front of the building things seemed hazy and his head was still banging as he swayed. Spock didn't want to see that building anymore; he just needed to see something new. So he crossed the street into the park. He walked on the grass looking up at the stars. It was quiet here, the only sounds he heard was the sound of the beating in his ears and cars long in the distance as he walked. At some point the beats in his mind seemed to get heavier. Spock got distracted and tripped on something and the next thing he knew he was looking up at the sky and laying in the dew of the grass. He didn't really mind it; this is what he wanted. The stars on full display, it was cold but he didn't feel it anymore and the pounding in his head took over his mind but he found peace in it some how, just sitting the one thing that was always constant for him; the stars. He laid in the grass watching them until his mind drifted into bliss darkness.


	8. One Last Goodbye

"What do you mean you _lost _him?" Leonard's voice rose as the loft was in a frenzy.

Nyota gave a breath, "I don't know. I go to sleep last night he was there, wake up this morning and he's gone. I thought I felt his hair but I guess it was just Bones or Tribble's fur." She put her elbows on the counter and head in her hands in the kitchen where they all gathered after searching the whole loft for thirty minutes looking for Spock.

"It's not Ny's fault, maybe he just wandered off and will be back." Hikaru suggested.

Jim shrugged his shoulders, "Well we gotta find him now, for all we know he could have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge."

"Oh God," Nyota said to herself and Pavel set a hand on her back trying to comfort her, "If he get's hurt, it's my fault. I can just see it now, billion dollar boy died because I didn't watch him. Walked right off the bridge. Oh God."

"It's not your fault Nyota," Pavel said.

Jim pitched in, "He's right, Ny. It's not your fault. He's probably just wandering around and got lost."

Kat said, "What if he is dead though, then what?"

Jim didn't even bother to look at her, "Shut up Kat, he's fine."

"Maybe Kat abducted him so she had a reason to stay," Leonard whispered loud enough for all of them to hear.

"I would ne-" Kat tried to protest but was cut off by Jim.

"Where is some place he could be?" Jim asked them as they started to all spit out ideas then they decided the best places would be to look are the park, his parents, and the hospital.

Soon they all head out except for Pavel, who stayed at the building checking around the area just incase he came back. Leonard and Hikaru went to the park, Jim and Kat went to his parents, and Nyota went to the hospitals in the areas.

* * *

Spock gasped lightly waking from the Enterprise once more, as his eyes opened to sunlight coming threw an old ripped tarp. The pounding in his head wasn't as strong but it was still there. The sound of the traffic and the wind was around then a soft gentle voice was behind him, "Good to see you again Benedict." The voice made his defenses fall and his heart stop for a moment. Slowly he sat up with a slight pain and light headedness, turning to see the face that he thought he would never see again.

His voice was small as he looked at the woman dressed in rags, "Mother,"

She smiled at him and sat down in front of him handing him a bottle with water in it, "How drunk did you get last night? It's been a long time since I've seen you in the park Benedict." Her voice was kind.

Spock couldn't help but just look at her in aw; how many times he wished he could see her again and here she was, but yet it still wasn't her. The words stumbled to his lips as he studied her face over and over again, "I didn't drink."

Amanda smiled at him, "I found you passed out in the middle of the kids park at two in the morning. It's been a little over two years since I collected you here and seen your friends. If you weren't drunk then I would think you were doing drugs again."

Spock just shook his head listening carefully to every word, "No, I didn't do drugs, I just-" He paused looking at her losing his train of thought, "thought I would never see you again mother."

Amanda looked confused, "I'm not your mother Benedict, I live in the park not a pent house. I've been in the same place you left me, how could you forget. I would always check around for you, just incase you needed a place to sleep but you never were around. What happened to you?"

Spock didn't know where to begin, his heart felt like it lowed when he said she wasn't his mother. Memories that never happened, rushed his beating head; closing his eyes tighter trying to get them go away but they kept swarming every thought he had. Reliving the last moments he saw his _mother_ in his head made him whisper to himself, "No, please no."

Amanda didn't know what to do or what he was doing; if he was in pain or if it was just a hangover kicking in so she did what she always did when she found him distraught. She moved slowly toward Spock until she was next to him. Putting a hand out and touched his shoulder. Feeling her gentle touch his voice stopped and she said quietly to him, "It's okay Benedict, don't think of anything but this voice. I promise it will be okay." He didn't move away from her touch and he opened his eyes again to see into her dark brown eyes, seeing glimpses of his _dreams_.

Looking at her he felt his heart sink again and the small beat in his head, "I'm sorry mother." His voice was small as he spoke to her.

* * *

Nyota checked every hospital in the area and he wasn't reported to be seen in any of them. She felt so guilty, that some how it was her fault that he was missing. Just the thought of something happening to him, gave her a headache. After checking every single hospital and medical facility in the area she couldn't sit still so she went to the police stations looking on the thought of maybe by chance they thought of him a criminal or he did something. When her efforts became fruitless she sent out a text to the others saying she didn't find him. So she went to the park to help Leonard and Hikaru, because she had to help in someway and the park was a big place to look around.

Jim sent Kat up to the front door knowing if they saw him, the door wouldn't be answered. When his father answered the door Kat asked if Spock was there and he replied simply with an angered 'No' and closed the door in her face. Jim just sent a text out saying he wasn't at his parents house either, even before Kat got in the car. They then proceeded to the park too, in any efforts to help because they haven't responded anything yet.

Jim, Kat, Nyota, Hikaru, and Leonard looked in so many paths, in the grass, in the wooded areas, on play grounds, around the museums; practically everywhere in the park for any sign of him or the lady that lived at the park who took him in when he was drunk or high before, in hopes maybe she saw him.

It almost seemed like they gave up hope for a moment when Leonard saw a tarp in between a patch of greenery. He trudged over to it with Hikaru close at tow, hoping that it was Amanda and not some other homeless person. He walked closer until he saw exactly what he was looking for.

"Ben," Leonard said gaining the attention from Spock and Amanda, "Damn it, we have been looking for you for ages."

Hikaru took out his phone and sent a message to the others telling them they found Spock and he was fine. Sending them back to the loft.

"Leonard," Spock's voice shook as he looked at him with slight pain in his eyes and holding out his hand, "make it stop, please." Leonard patted his pockets, totally forgetting about any medication. He shot a look at Hikaru and said, "Shit." Hikaru looked back down at his phone texting out that they need his medication and their location.

Amanda looked at him questioningly, "What's he want then?" she asked.

"His meds," Hikaru patted his pockets looking for one also.

"I thought you didn't do drugs now?" Amanda asked to Spock, who looked at her with such a sad look in his eye as his _dreams_ kept flashing in his mind.

"He doesn't," Leonard kneeled forward getting Spock's attention, "Spock tell me who is she?"

Amanda looked at Leonard, "He knows me-"

"No he doesn't." Hikaru cut her off.

Leonard looked at Spock and found it hard to believe that this was the same stoic person who now looks with pain in his eyes. "Amanda Grayson, my mother." Spock said.

Amanda got up and pulled on Leonard's coat and he got up and followed her slightly away from the tarp. Leaving Hikaru with Spock.

* * *

"What is he talking about?" Amanda asked up to Leonard with her hands on her hips, "I'm not his mother. I'm just the lady that keeps him out of trouble when he gets drunk and passes out in the park. I didn't see him for two years and then I became his mother and someone forgot to tell me? Has he lost his mind?"

Leonard breathed out, "He went into a coma two years ago and just woke up about two weeks or so ago, but didn't remember any thing other then a huge dream he came up with in his head. Some year in the future we fight bad guys or something and he's some sort of alien. He practically ripped off the head of his therapist cause he thought it was the same person from his dream. You must be his mother there, but something about you must have spooked him or made him remember something horrible cause he's usually not this shaken up. When he see's something or someone he just gets memories of his dreams back like all at once and then he needs his meds."

Amanda thought for a moment then said, "I died."

"He told you?" Leonard asked.

She shook her head, "No, no. He said he thought he would never see me again."

"Where did you find him anyway?"

"He was passed out in the children's park. Mumbling something about the stars and something with a 'V'. Why was he out here if he's not well?"

"He snuck out when we were asleep, we have no clue why but it's good you found him. Thanks Amanda."

Then out of the brush came Jim holding a bottle in his hands. "Leo," Jim ran up to him handing him the bottle of medication, "He seriously couldn't wait to get back to the loft?"

"Not this time." Leonard jogged back to the tarp.

Jim nodded at Amanda, "It's been a long time Amanda."

"It gets lonely living out here with out seeing you guys around you know." She smiled as they walked to the tarp.

Spock took two of the pills from Leonard and swallowed them quickly. Hikaru held a hand out to Spock and helped him up.

"You okay Spock?" Leonard asked seeing his facial tension relax.

"Yes," Spock's voice lingered, "I will be fine." The flashes of memory faded and the beating in his mind faded away.

"Nyota's gonna kill you for going missing like that. Why did you go anyway?" Jim asked.

"I had to see something that was always there and never changed in both of my worlds." His voice was now smoother, this confused Jim, Hikaru, and Leonard at first.

"The stars." Amanda smiled, "That explains that."

"Thanks for your help Amanda. Let's get you back bubby." Jim nodded and they started to walk away

Spock stopped for a moment looking back at the woman in rags he once knew as his _mother_. The woman he thought was dead. Taking in the moment, just seeing her again after he thought it impossible. He missed her so much, but that wasn't her; it was all in his head part of some crazy _dream_. "Goodbye mot-" He stopped himself and corrected again, "Goodbye Amanda."


	9. The Truth Comes Out

They drove quickly back to the loft. Upon entering the doors Spock hung his head slightly. Kat was the first to see them come in, "Benny!" She rushed up and hugged him and after about a second Leonard pried her off, "Get off Kat! Not right now." Spock kept walking and turned toward his couch to go stare out of it when Nyota caught him first. She grabbed his wrist, then wrapping her arms around him quickly then pulling away looking at his semi confused face as he looked down at her. She slapped his cheek, "Ben," her voice was soft with a scared rage, before she could say anything else Jim cut her off.

"Ny, he just needed some air. It's okay. Go find Tribble I think Bones might be sleeping on him." Jim nodded as Nyota nodded and walked away into the other area.

Spock didn't seem to care anymore, he didn't care about any of this any more. He went over and sat on the couch just staring off into a daze out the window. Jim huffed a breath and went over to sit next to Spock.

"What's on your mind Ben?" Jim asked.

Spock looked at him, "Nothing Jim. I am just tiered. Thank you for your concern but it is not needed." Then looked back to the window.

Jim rolled his eyes and looked at his friend, "Don't play that crap with me, Spock." Jim's voice was stern, "I'm just-"

"Trying to help?" Spock cut him off with an agitated tone, "I just saw the woman that I thought was my mother for the first time since she died; but you know what? Apparently I was wrong, what I thought about everything I knew to be logical and correct; is wrong. She is alive, and isn't even my mother. What else don't I know? What else am I wrong about here in my _reality_? Everything that I want to be true, is false. You want to know what I am thinking? I have been thinking the same thing for as long as I have been awake here. I don't want to live here in this world were my logic, everything I am and fought to be for my whole _life_, is now worthless. I want to know I'm not _crazy_, like my _father_ says I am or was. I want some clarity to know, that what I dream is all a dream. I have to know."

Jim shook his head still looking at Spock, "Your not making sense Ben. Look I'm gonna go get you a-"

"No," Spock said sternly, "I don't want a pill again yet. I just want to know; I have to know that those dreams are just," Spock paused for a moment, "dreams."

"Okay, okay, relax buddy." Jim said in a calm voice, not wanting to provoke him in a way, "how do you plan to do that?" Jim asked.

Spock thought for a moment then said, "Vulcan."

"The type of alien you were?" Jim asked confused, "I don't understand. How is that helping your point?"

Spock stood up and said, "Vulcan was the planet. It was destroyed in the future. Right now in the year 2013 it is still there. Maybe I can find it. Then I will know, if it was all an illusion or not." Spock started to walk off to ask for Leonard's computer.

Jim got up quickly following behind Spock, "Benny," he called after him, "even if you some how got threw to a data base or what ever to find it, what if it is just another planet or something, not the one you think it is? Then what?" Jim called to him and Spock stopped in his tracks turning back to Jim.

Thinking about it he nodded slightly, trying to think of anything else that would be significant, "November 9th, 1965; it was the one time that one of the crew from the USS Enterprise was photographed accidentally in New York City during the great black outs. If the photo was taken in 1965 then, it wouldn't have been deleted from the archives until Star Fleet was put into effect and deleted it." Walking up to Leonard Spock asked quickly, "May I have access to your computer?"

"Wait Leonard," Jim said to Leonard then looking at Spock, "What if it is just an old picture of-"

"Please" Spock's voice was broken, "Just let me have some clarity. If it is all a dream and there is no photo then let me put that side of my mind,_ Spock,_ to rest. If there is then I will know that this is the real dream. Just let me please have this."

Jim nodded lightly, "Fine. Just please don't- never mind. Leo, you mind."

Leonard just nodded and led Spock to his desk so he could start searching.

* * *

Spock spent hours on the computer searching. Leonard came up and looked at what he was doing for a moment, and was amazed at the things he was doing.

"How are you doing this? You are searching threw places that is government jurisdiction? Where did you learn this?" Leonard asked with an open jaw watching Spock type in various numbers and scanning threw every picture and document.

"I was a science officer in my _dream_," Spock said with a strong voice, "It was my job to know. Besides being Vulcan meant that logic was key and this is a type of logic so I mastered it to the best of my ability."

"This won't give my computer viruses, right?" Leonard asked still in shock slightly.

"Highly doubtful." Spock said scanning each picture looking for something anything.

Soon Spock kept searching and searching all day for anything. He didn't eat or drink, he was too focused; it was practically one in the morning and still found nothing. By then everyone was asleep except Leonard who sat at the kitchen table trying to stay awake but giving up and just fell asleep with his head on the table.

* * *

Leonard woke up to Pavel's voice and the smell of coffee, "Wake up Leo," he said putting the coffee down next to the sleeping figure on the table, "You fell asleep on the table again."

"I was watching Ben," Leonard said shifting on the table rubbing his eyes on his arm.

"Well he hasn't moved." Pavel said to him as he looked up and squinted to see Spock still at the computer but with his head in his hands, "I don't think he slept Leonard, unless he's sleeping now which will hurt later."

Giving a sigh as he stood up taking a swig of the coffee then grimacing looking at Pavel, "Shit, Paul what's in this?"

"Left over coffee from yesterday and some vodka, thought you needed it." Pavel said shrugging as he took Leonard's seat. Leonard started to make his way up to the desk where Spock was still sitting. He looked quickly and saw that he was awake and just staring at a blank screen.

"Ben," Leonard asked quietly, "You okay? Find anything?"

Spock just sat there staring at the screen for a moment then shooting a look at Leonard, "No," his voice was soft, "I checked every part of the universe for it or anything else, nothing. I guess I was wrong, I was always wrong."

Leonard nodded tiredly, "Okay, I'm just gonna guess you didn't sleep. So let's get you some sleep and then we will discuss-"

"I don't want to sleep." Spock answered, "I'm tiered of being taunted by those dreams now. They aren't real, only dreams."

Leonard gave a sigh, "Come on Benny, at least a few minutes of sleep, plea-"

"No." Spock stood up pushing past Leonard and down to the kitchen, "I will sleep when I want to. This is my reality now."

Leonard was confused, "Fine at least keep your voice down."

"I was always wrong. Everything was false. I can't do it any more." Spock told himself as he started to drink the bad cup of coffee Leonard left on the table.

"No," Leonard tried to get the cup away but was too late, "Damn it. Okay great." He looked down at Pavel who sat at the table in a sleep fill daze, "Now he's gonna be drunk, we can't give him meds, and he will be moping about it all day and it's not even nine in the morning yet. Goddamn it." Leonard sighed as Spock let his head hit the table as he passed out.


	10. Nightmares are in the Memories

Jim woke up and came back down to sit next to Leonard, Pavel, and Spock who was still passed out on the table.

"What's wrong with him?" He sat down pointing at Spock who had his head pressed to the table, "He didn't find anything did he?"

Leonard shook his head pressing his lips together, "He stayed up all night, and he was doing some crazy shit that I don't even think the government can do yet, looking for something. Woke up this morning and he was just staring at a blank screen, he's just mad now. Paul gave him a bit of old coffee and vodka, mainly vodka; then he passed out. Might have given himself a heart attack but I wouldn't know I'm not a doctor. Hasn't had any meds almost twenty-four hours and now we can't give him any for a bit. All I know is, Benny is not happy _at all._"

Pavel shrugged taking a sip from his coffee, "Just to get it straight, the coffee and vodka was for Leonard, it's not my fault. Just to let you know." He said to Jim.

Jim rolled his eyes, "Okay Paul don't worry, he's fine. He's fine, just needs a little more time."

"How much time can we give him without handing him over to the loony bin?" Leonard said quietly, "Look Jim he's my friend too, and I only want to see him happy shitting rainbows on a space ship, whatever he wants, but he doesn't seem happy and I mean we don't want a repeat of the therapist thing. This just might be his breaking point. I mean he said he doesn't want to sleep cause he will only dream of that other world and-"

"He's taking the meds, they take them-"Jim tried to say.

"Those pill aren't doing shit for him." Leonard said slightly louder, "He always seeing something, someone and he just looses it. Give him a pill and he just calms down, doesn't mean he will forget what he sees in those dreams or when he looses it. How much time can we honestly give him until we can't help him any more?"

Jim tightened his jaw folding his hands together looking up at Leonard, Pavel stood up from his chair backing away slowly, "Well I see mommy and daddy are fighting about big brother again, so I'm just going to go buy some breakfast and I'll be back." He nodded and started to head for the door then left.

Jim just sighed and said to Leonard, "For god sakes Leo, he's our friend, you can't be serious about giving him over to some crazy house? We can help him just as much as they can."

"No we can't." Leonard's tone was tempered slightly, "He's just gonna hurt himself Jim."

"Leo," He paused thinking for a moment, "I don't know. He's my best friend just as much as he is yours. I only want him to be happy, and I don't know what to do. What he's asking for, we can't give him; no one can. I don't know what to do. Give him time or give him up." With that Spock started to groan on the table as he turned and forced his eyes to open and he looked at Leonard who sat with his arms crossed.

"Good job," he said sarcastically, "you woke him up." He looked from Jim to Spock, "Hey Benny, how's the nap?" He pushed over another cup of coffee to him, "Want some more coffee, no vodka this time, I swear."

Spock sat up with his emotionless gaze, "I do not want coffee, I'd rather the vodka right now." His tone was low.

"I see you woke up on the good side of the table this morning." Jim muttered, "Like hell we're gonna give you-" Just as he was about to finish Spock just stood up himself and turned to the counter and started looking through the cabinets, "you can't be serious Spock?"

Spock opened on of the cabinets grabbing the bottle then turning to Jim and Leonard, "I am not Spock." He spat as he opened the bottle taking a swig then grimacing, "I am not Spock, as much as I want to believe it, I am not. I am _Benedict._" He took another drink and grimaced again, "Spock is dead, he was never alive, and it is all a dream."

Jim got up quickly going over to Spock, "Give me that," He tried to take the bottle from him, "I know your upset but-"

Spock pulled his arm back from him, "You don't know anything." He barked as it echoed through the loft. "None of you do."

Leonard got up and Spock started to move to the other side of the counter seeing the bottle of pills he snatched them up in his empty hand. Jim and Leonard started to move slowly towards Spock like he was some animal, "Ben," Leonard said quietly with a calm voice, "it's okay. Just relax, it's going to be okay."

"Shut up Doctor." Spock backed away closer to the door he winced as his mind started racing with memories of Doctor McCoy, he dropped the vodka bottle and it shattered on the ground, waking up everyone else at this point.

Nyota started to wake up from her sleep as she saw Spock nearing the door holding the orange bottle of pills. Sitting up she looked to see what was happening when Spock looked right at her with frightened eyes, "Nyota," Spock whispered and then more memories of a life that never happened hit him again, it seemed like they were ripping him to shreds as he started to fall apart at the seams.

"Jim what's going-" Nyota started seeing Spock flinch just at her name.

"Stay there Ny," Jim said quickly still moving toward Spock lightly, "It's okay." He then diverted his attention back to Spock, "Benny, it's okay. Just listen to me, okay? It's nothing just relax, it's only apart of a dream. Just listen to me."

Spock practically shook as he looked at Jim trying to listen, "I want it to go away." More memories came flying back as he backed up some more, "I want it all to go away!" He roared out, looking down at the pill bottle, "These will take them away, they will take them away."

"Leonard, you were right, okay? Call an ambulance, we lost him already." Jim said quietly to Leonard who started to back up and go to find his phone, "Ben, listen to me. Just relax, it's going to be-"

"Shut up" Spock put his hands to his hair pulling at it, "they'll take all of the memories away. It will take everything. I just want to be Benedict. Spock is not real, Spock is not real!" He yelled to himself then the door opened and Pavel was standing in the door way. Spock turned and Pavel froze for a moment then Spock pushed past him into the wall across the hall, "No." He said as the memories flooded his mind again. Pushing past Pavel and started to run down the hall with Jim running close behind.


End file.
